November 25, 2019
223.2 lbs

4:47 AM - My Studio

... Chas had a restless night, up on the bed, down off the bed, up on the bed, etc., needing help in some of his efforts, i get out of bed, earlier than i wanted, as i clean the kitchen and make coffee, i worry that his back problem might be returning... Les Filles, by Zhang Haier, arrived yesterday, i put the book on my Amazon wish list a while ago, i noticed on Friday that the price had come down to just $4, free shipping, so i bought it, a lovely book, unapologetically male gaze, but in my opinion, very tasteful, the women seem to want to be there, much as the women Saul Leiter photographed nude, often just after love making... the Haier photographs hint at such things too, but are less explicit, more of a seduction image than a seduced image, beautifully composed photographs too...  Haier photographs only with available light, which is what i do, i don't have the time or inclination to light things, to get that removed from the situation as it is, as opposed to as it is constructed, except i occasionally will turn the flash on, i plan to do that with my Iphone for Thanksgiving...
November 24, 2019
219.4 lbs

3:17 PM - My Studio

… restless… spent much of the day re-organizing website, setting up a separate site for the 52 project which i am now calling my daybook, after the daybooks of Edward Weston, In his daybooks, Edward Weston was trying to focus himself as man and photographer. To be alone and to think, free for an hour of family, friends, loves, he rose in the dark before dawn and poured down on the page in his massive scrawl whatever was seething in him.[1]… it would seem i do something similar, to do my work, undisturbed by wife and dog, i get up in the dark and start a routine that usually ends in a local cafe where i spend a half hour or so writing about whatever is on my mind, this after having made photos of whatever attracts me… i am in good company then, even if not of the stature of Weston, it appears to be an affliction at least one major photographer had before me, do i do it in hopes of one day being thought major?, perhaps, but i persist even though i often wonder why i spend so much time and effort, daily, hours, is this the best use of time?, i hardly know, i only know that i feel compelled, so i do it, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year… i like much of what i do, accomplish… unlike Weston, i have the tools to share the daybook in public and do… nobody seems to notice, i do my best not to care, but i always care and would be delighted if someone did notice, did appreciate, but the lot of an artist is to make what s/he makes regardless…

[1] Nancy Newhall, Edward Weston, Photographer, The Flame of Recognition
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