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October 19, 2019

October 19, 2019 023 Beacon, NY

October 19, 2019 021 Beacon, NY

October 18, 2019

October 18, 2019 007 Beacon, NY

October 18, 2019 005 Beacon, NY

October 18, 2019 001 Beacon, NY

9:02 AM - Ella’s Bellas

... was surprised to find this place empty at 9:00 AM on a Friday... second night of sleeping on the couch with Chas, seems to be doing a lot better, danger zone, he wants to be more active, he jumped up on the couch when i wasn't looking, risky, he is on medications for pain, inflammation and muscle relaxing, limit to body's ability to tell him, don’t do that!... a little annoyed with H for commenting on FB an article I posted wasn’t worth reading, why feel the need to do that?, it shows me how deep the anger in the country is when my partner takes me down a notch in a not too kind way... trying to regain some routine, not easy with Chas troubles... J behaving in a very familiar way this morning, trying to decide how it is that the young barista ladies come to like me in this familiar way, non-threatening pleasant male perhaps, i don’t know, but it seems to happen when i have extended contact with one i particularly like, same with M who had J’s position before her... i am drinking coffee instead of tea and realizing why i drank tea yesterday, i think the caffeine effects me, starts my heart palpitating if i drink too much, which apparently is a second cup of coffee... 
October 17, 2019

October 17, 2019 035 Beacon, NY

October 17, 2019 004 Beacon, NY

8:09 AM - Ella’s Bellas

... spent the night on the couch, not in the dog house, looking after the dog, Chas continues to have back problems, spasms we think, maybe some kind of spinal column damage, but H and i agree that we had a dog with that issue and it wasn’t painful for her the way this is for Chas, very tiring, another episode last night, not as bad as the one in the morning, need to reduce opportunity to re-injure to as close to zero as possible, which meant he should stay downstairs and someone would have to stay with him and sleep on the couch, H has had back issues that she worries will flare up, so it’s me... day after heavy rain, Fishkill Creek a little swollen, lots of debris coming downstream on top of the water... switching over apple note app for journaling, Scrivener not behaving, refusing to open up, need something more reliable so i can make a note and move on... DT apparently melting down, insulting Nancy Pelosi, she really doesn’t have a choice in my opinion, he needs to be reigned in, thrown out if possible, anger of the base be damned... took some heat for posting an article from Cato Institute, did my best to explain i am trying to stay aware of what conservative sources say about issues, that i am trying to walk the talk of being open minded and willing to read responsible journalism from the other end of the spectrum, trying to get family members to do the same... gay friends most strongly pushing back, will i read anti-gay positions in their journalism, so be it, one needs to know what the other side thinks, how they defend their beliefs...
October 16, 2019
2016.8 lbs
... Chas continues to seize up daily in the morning... we are having a quiet day so he doesn’t move much, need to keep him still... very upsetting... hoping we can stop the daily spasms...
October 15, 2019
216.6 lbs

October 15, 2019 017 Beacon, NY

October 15, 2019 016 Beacon, NY

October 15, 2019 007 Beacon, NY

8:08 AM - Big Mouth Coffee Roasters

… upsetting day yesterday, Chas re-injured his back, back spasms?, we are not sure, worst fear is cancer on spinal column, the least likely explanation, day thrown into a do little tail spin due to worry, communicating with vet, etc., within an hour Chas finally settled down, was able to lay down, able to sleep, before that he paced around and around, yelped in pain at the lightest touch, yelped in pain spontaneously… i drank too much wine to cope, slight hangover this morning which i have walked off, 7.6K steps so far, feeling better, more optimistic, ready to get some things done… Chas to the vet at 10 AM this morning, wondering what our next step will be, need this like a hole in the head, feeling glad we have pet insurance in case it gets worse… tattooed, solidly built barista today, not without her physical charms… did house cleaning and balancing of my news source portfolio, got rid of not very useful outlets, added a few conservative leaning ones, got rid of overly biased liberal outlets, made a commitment to check the bias rating of information i read… 
October 14, 2019
216.8 lbs

October 14, 2019 027 Beacon, NY

October 14, 2019 005 Beacon, NY

October 14, 2019 004 Beacon, NY

9:14 AM - Big Mouth Coffee Roasters

… 10K+ step walk this morning, need to up the walking a bit and be more careful about what i eat… woke up very early this morning, to go to the bathroom, then started to obsess about money, wondering why we are as short as we are, we’ve been spending a little profligately, for good things, but still profligate… disappointed with response to my story last night, not the wild enthusiasm i projected in my mind, oh well, onward, get it ready for submission… crazy busy in town yesterday, realized it’s because of Columbus Day, holiday for many, long weekend, getting out of city… just checked likely weather for Thursday, BI Ferry day, doesn’t look good, high winds… good writing last night, always is, lots of memoir, seems to be the thing these days, write a memoir, your life unique, someone will want to know how… Harvard grad woman, cult survivor, annoying, don’t like people trading on their tragic experiences… all of us market ourselves, some more blatant than others… need to be thinking about prep to go away… barista is young woman from BN, she looks much more at home here, she agreed with that assessment a while back… why do I have such a different perception of current events than my Texas cousin, where we get our information, i researched the bias of my sources, i made some adjustments…
October 13, 2019
216.8 lbs

October 13, 2019 007 Beacon, NY

October 13, 2019 006 Beacon, NY

October 13, 2019 005 Beacon, NY - Community Sukkot Hut

October 13, 2019 001 Beacon, NY - Community Sukkot Hut

8:40 AM - Big Mouth Coffee Roasters

... short walk today, got out late... one of the homeless men in town sitting at a nearby table, coughing in a phlegmy sort of way, sipping his coffee, gray beard, camouflage baseball cap, sunglasses perched above the bill of the cap, hunched mournfully... S is the name of the lovely African American barista with the Amy Winehouse eyes... some polishing of my Obsession story, which i have retitled “Determined,” i plan to read it tonight at Get Lit, i expect it to go over well, it is powerful and deep... feeling good about a variety of things, enjoying my life right now... posted my next quote on hate, H enthusiastic Yes! This is it., a good quote for sure... farmers market, porch painting, Get Lit, the order of the day... profundity, i constantly reach for it, for that breakthrough understanding that will set me free, i am thinking i will write another short story around the theme of hate, another consumptive emotion... i hope to see it clearly, understand it, dispense with it... thinking about my solo show next year, thinking about the materials i will want to have available, framed photographs, announcement cards, catalog, artist book...

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