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July 20, 2019
216.4 lbs

July 20, 2019 135 Beacon, NY

July 20, 2019 133 Beacon, NY

July 20, 2019 127 Beacon, NY

8:09 AM - Ella’s Bellas

… will be hot, less humid, a day to turn on the AC and stay indoors… J brings my roll, she is wearing shorts and, for the first time, i see the extensive tattoos on her legs, not sure i like them, not sexy the way tattoos can be… “The world of being is unchangeable, rigid, exact, delightful to the mathematician, the logician, the builder of metaphysical systems, and all who love perfection more than life. The world of existence is fleeting, vague, without sharp boundaries, without any clear plan or arrangement, but it contains all thoughts and feelings, all the data of sense, and all physical objects, everything that can do either good or harm, everything that makes any difference to the value of life and the world.”*… i am trying to cross reference this with the idea that the world of being popped into existence, time began, out of infinitely dense, timeless matter/energy, the world of being and existence after the pop… are multiple pops possible, how about cyclical pops, as some philosophies/cosmologies posit, how does a moment of infinitely dense matter and energy in a timeless compression mean there is no god… i don’t know that Steven Hawking has answered the god question definitively, he says only that god isn’t required for the universe to pop into being… the line BR attempts to draw between being and existence does not seem quite the this/that proposition he presents, more yin-yang, existence grounded in being, existence flowing out of and back into it being…

*Problems of Philosophy, Bertrand Russell
July 19, 2019
217.4 lbs

July 19, 2019 015 Beacon, NY

July 19, 2019 009 Beacon, NY

7:44 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters

… up early, tired… process photos, hadn't realized how far behind I am… gather my things, feed the puss, empty the dehumidifier, check on the water leakage in the basement, it has dried up which points to the dining room AC unit as cause, confirm and figure out how to stop… falling asleep, in a bit of a stupor today, because i drank, because of the heat and humidity, because i went to bed late, because i got up early, all of these… so sleepy, i get up to toss the peel from my banana, hoping the short walk to trash and back will wake me, it doesn't… i read some, i can’t keep my eyes open, i will have to re-read…
July 18, 2019
217.2 lbs

July 18, 2019 033 Beacon, NY

July 18, 2019 020 Beacon, NY

7:26 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters

… humid, hot, uncomfortable… earlier, Gregorian chants as i edit photos, then, organize my things, empty the basement dehumidifier, feed the puss, pack a poncho, there may be rain… i walk, i photograph inconsequential things and wonder, if i see them, record them, are they inconsequential… a male voice erupts from behind, “yah, my generation,” i turn to the words, a man, my age, a woman, perhaps older, walking towards the front… before, as i walked past the bagel shop, a young woman outside, waiting, desirable, desired… i think of the ways women are desirable to me, there is both masculine and feminine point of view… i enjoy maleness, the libidinous feelings an attractive-to-me woman summons, but i relate from a female place too, i am attracted from that place… sometimes i think, in my next life i would like to be a woman… in the wide open spaces of my thoughts i explore my complexity, a jumbled confusion of masculine and feminine longing… i wonder if i will put these words on my website, why not, honesty in all things, well, most things… S walks in, waves a shy hello as she passes slowly, favoring her right leg, she seems sad, has she lost weight, she looks good, the libidinous rise begins… i watch as she stands at the counter, on her way back we exchange a few words, she walks on… in Problems of Philosophy i read, “all experience is particular,”*…

*Bertrand Russell, Problems Of Philosophy
July 17

July 17, 2019 018 Beacon, NY

July 17, 2019 013 Beacon, NY

July 17, 2019 008 Beacon, NY

July 16, 2019
216.4 lbs

July 16, 2019 051 Beacon, NY

July 16, 2019 046 Beacon, NY

July 16, 2019 004 Beacon, NY

7:36 AM - Pocket Road Trail

… up at 4:30 AM, a text from J, wants to talk, she broke up with P, it is my quiet time, i will reply later… i set out with intention to climb the mountain, i waiver on that a couple of times before deciding to do it, at the water tower i run into a pack of teenage boys, do i need to worry about them, fantasy mind wonders if they are white supremacist kids, i imagine that after i pass they pull bows and arrows from the trunks of their cars and set out to hunt me for sport… after a while they come running up the trail behind me single file, they are here for a workout, i step aside to let them through, one thanks me, another wishes me good morning, i respond in kind… i reach my rock and take a seat on it, i begin writing, the brook tumbles by, i keep looking for words to describe a babbling brook that are not cliche, i haven't found any… a young woman and her poodle dog pass by, the dog says hello, i say hello to dog and woman, the woman mumbles something back, doesn't look me in the eyes, doesn't look up at all, does she imagine i will hunt her for sport… i stop to make a selfie…
July 15, 2019
219.1 lbs

July 15, 2019 062 Beacon, NY

July 15, 2019 055 Beacon, NY

July 15, 2019 002 Beacon, NY

8:23 AM - Ella’s Bellas

… woke up late again, out late, but not that late, tired when i went to bed… thinking about what needs doing, thinking about succeeding, thinking about making a skin doctor appointment, thinking about work in the garden, thinking about money, the present scarcity of it, we need to last another week on what there is, spent a little too much over the weekend, oh well, we had a good time… delivered my photograph to DO gallery yesterday, sold three photographs over the weekend… thinking about next steps, career development, selling more work, doing something to make money… stepping out the front door i think i might climb the pocket road trail, wasn’t feeling great and got out a little late so chose not to… finding myself resistant to submissions of all kinds, don’t know why, a kind of lethargy, depression, i don’t know… reading about Graciela Iturbide, as i do i think about my photography, what it means, if anything, i have a vision, i have an expressive need, what does it mean beyond that…
July 14, 2019
216.4 lbs

July 14, 2019 071 Beacon, NY

July 14, 2019 064 Beacon, NY

July 14, 2019 063 Beacon, NY

8:27 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters

… i wake up late, i get out late, the day already full of glare and heat… i walk, make pictures, i am a little hung over, i wonder why do i drink, i like the feeling i confess to H in the hotel bar last night, i always like the feeling and once i start i keep going, never, or at least rarely, drunk, just happy, and then the next day, not so happy, a little dazed, finding it hard to focus, i make pictures, will i like them, streetscapes, landscapes, scenes that are not that interesting, i had wanted to climb the mountain, i know i don’t have time, especially with the late start i got, i want to go to the market, salad materials for later with K&B, talk to the fish monger, see what else looks interesting… my Graciela Iturbide book with me this morning, i flip through it, she works only with film cameras, no digital, only black and white, i understand that, i am mostly black and white, she says color is fantasy, black and white is real, i want to bake shortbread, i want to make a salad, i want to buy some wine, i want to take a shower, i want to shave, i will go shortly, i will drink moderately tonight, just enough to be social, time to cook breakfast, get breakfast, whatever…
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