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July 06, 2019
July 06, 2019 766 Beacon, NY
July 06, 2019 739 Beacon, NY
July 06, 2019 721 Beacon, NY
8:10 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Shop
… hot, humid, AC will run all day… “All knowledge, we find, must be built up upon our instinctive beliefs, and if these are rejected, nothing is left.”*… this rings true to me… no significant thoughts this morning, i want something profound to run through my mind, it does not… BR talking about difference between scientific space and private space, what a thing is independent of observer and what a thing is through senses of observer, the two are not the same… in the space of observer perception things resemble their objective, scientifically described nature, but are not that nature… something important about this… there is room for difference of opinion regarding what is seen, heard, felt, smelled, tasted, society an attempt to knit together multiple perceptions of, and reactions to, objective (scientific) reality, reducing conflict, among other things, this the importance of basic uniform education (indoctrination), the importance of tolerance, the problem of intolerance, the trouble with absolutes, a liberal world view, more flexible, more adaptive, less dangerous, though not without danger… how to decide what the uniform education (indoctrination) should be, how to keep it education and not (indoctrination), how to keep it living, growing, while also providing a common ground…
*Problems of Philosophy, Bertrand Russell
July 05, 2019
July 05, 2019 020 Beacon, NY
July 05, 2019 016 Beacon, NY
4:32 AM - My Studio
… a frustrating conversation with H about racism, why it exists, why racists support Trump, she is resistant to my ideas, keeps saying she doesn't understand, i get exasperated then angry with her, we argue in circles and get nowhere, i tell her i don't like talking about these things with her for that reason… during the night i develop a reply to her which I hope will end the circular arguments, if you don't understand the behavior of people, your hypothesis about what motivates them is not correct or not complete…
7:43 - Madame Brett Park
… i try the new line of reasoning on H, it doesn't help, she talks about her father under the influence of Rush Limbaugh, her mother made him stop listening, she, more important than whatever rang true to him from RL, H claimed he was intellectually lazy, i suggested that accusing people of laziness isn't helpful, understanding that people follow ideologues because it confirms they belong to something, it confirms a worldview in which they have a place… where we have fallen down is in making sure that people share a common educational underpinning, in making sure that factual information is available and that falsehood is quickly and broadly exposed, a tall order in a social media world, people silo themselves and exchange only with those who share their views, their values…
July 04, 2019
218.6 lbs
218.6 lbs
July 04, 2019 038 Beacon, NY
July 04, 2019 026 Beacon, NY
July 04, 2019 025 Beacon, NY
July 04, 2019 023 Beacon, NY
7:27 - Pocket Road Trail
… excitement last night, i managed to take a second dose of BP meds in less than 24 hrs, i was distracted, meant to take vitamins, did the habitual thing instead, poison control said I would be okay, possibly mild hypotension, lay down if I feel dizzy, skipped writer's group, hadn't meant to… independence day, we will not celebrate, we can't celebrate what the country is right now, white men trying to secure their power as they slip to minority status, they are having depressing success, not sure what will turn things around short of a revolution… no alcohol last night, feel better because of it… sitting cross legged on a rock in the woods at the edge of a brook, water tumbling down the mountain on its way to the sinks and toilets of Beacon… sitting here in the woods writing, better than the cafe, except no young women to admire, cheaper, should be my default except on rainy days… can one say a brook sounds happy, which it does to me right now… i am familiar with water in every shade of emotional state, the difference being how much energy it flows with, i wonder if human emotional states can be thought of as neutral, as simply the ebb and flow of energy, sometimes calm, sometimes torrential, all the anger in the cosmos flowing through… water moods have consequences for humans, just as human moods do, the difference being the indiscriminate nature of water moods, much as we would like to give it meaning water just flows, maybe humans are the same, we just flow…
July 3, 2019
219.4 lbs
219.4 lbs
July 03, 2019 706 Beacon, NY
July 03, 2019 678 Beacon, NY
8:35 - Madame Brett Park
… went to bed irritated with H, woke up even more irritated, a long walk has centered me, being in the woods relaxes, i let go of my anger, my anger has been with myself too, i am frustrated that i am unable to go without alcohol in the evening, and that i often drink more than is healthy… i am in the Davis Orton group show again this summer, S and K too, I bought a new frame yesterday, will have to order photo paper today… i check to see if there are A2 picture frames, there are… i am sitting by Fishkill Creek, the water sounding like strong winds rushing through trees, white noise, reminded of snow on black and white tv screens and the audio static… white noise, an interesting concept, i wonder if there is a thing named black noise, if yin has yang, there is, it is mostly silence but not complete silence… white noise is noise that has the same power at all frequencies, thus, its effectiveness in masking sound…
July 02, 2019
218.6 lbs
218.6 lbs
July 02, 2019 646 Beacon, NY
July 02, 2019 641 Beacon, NY
8:18 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
… feeling better today, good in fact… a bunch of weeding yesterday, rear yard starting to look the haven we want it to be… more today, more mulching too, H wants to hire someone to do it, i haven’t said so, but i think we should do it ourselves and save money, it is not that hard… thinking about how not to drink alcohol at night, at least not most nights, step 1, have an alternative for relaxation, perhaps some quiet moments in the newly weeded way back, step 2, have an alternative beverage, note to self, make some ice tea, have kombucha on hand… finished reading Bertrand Russel “In Praise of Idleness,” makes the case that in the modern mechanized world work can be limited to 4 hrs per day, the rest of the time we can pursue something we are interested in, unfortunately, he says, we value effort only when it is paid for, this the root of an upside down way of looking at the world, the poor, he says, have been taught to believe long, hard hours of work a virtuous way to spend time, industry is servitude to someone who wants to make money without hard work… not everything rings true, but an interesting concept and we may be getting to a place where we have to try it… i have found it necessary to divorce myself from the idea that photographic art production should make money, my ideas and ways of making photographs are not aimed at serving a market or providing a sustaining income, though it would be nice if i could make $1K a month, that doesn’t seem too much to ask… i don’t want to make money from what i create because i want to create what makes sense to me… something wrong with the way we have organized ourselves, i think it leaves most happy… now Bertrand Russell is telling me that there is no reason to suppose that what i take to be a table is anything like what i experience it to be and that there might be grounds to question whether it exists at all… this is not as strange as it sounds since what constitutes a table is a multitude of qualities too numerous to be sensed and held in the mind all at once, which, if i recall, is what is supposed to separate god from mortals, s/he being capable of holding everything a table is in thought all together… still, a table is enough similar from one person to another that we can name it and understand what another means when s/he names it…
July 01, 2019
218.8 lbs
218.8 lbs
July 01, 2019 017 Beacon, NY
July 01, 2019 015 Beacon, NY
July 01, 2019 013 Beacon, NY
8:08 AM - Ella's Bellas
… feeling down, not sure why, a little hung over which I did not intend to do, but D & E for dinner last night, I always drink when there is company… a man with braided ponytail yacking on his phone, slightly obnoxious… Beachboys singing wouldn’t it be nice… mother daughter coming in, daughter struggling with the door a little, mother in horizontal pinstripe sun dress, talking on her phone, reporting back to someone what the choices are… The Beatles, Here Comes The Sun… remembering that yesterday i climbed up to the reservoir and sat by the edge of the water, that the fish came and stared expectantly at me, i moved, they followed me, like dogs almost, hovering in the water, facing toward me, all of them, looking at me, i wondered if people fed them, i wondered if they expected something else from me, strange… Jimi Hendrix All Along The Watch Tower, old, great rock and roll tunes… Tonglen wisdom for this week, practice the five strengths, the condensed heart instructions, strong determination, familiarization with the practices, the positive seed, reproach, aspiration… i think about strong determination, i need to work hard on this one, i must be determined to train to be different… my biggest mind over matter need, resist the desire for alcohol at the end of the day, i have done it before, i can do it again…
June 30
June 30, 2019 629 Beacon, NY
June 30, 2019 594 Beacon, NY
June 30, 2019 574 Beacon, NY