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May 18, 2019

May 18, 2019 052  Beacon, NY

May 18, 2019 028  Beacon, NY

May 18, 2019 007  Beacon, NY

222.0 lbs

7:43 AM - Trax Coffee Shop

… i am annoyed, i am still not on the map, this, after personal assurances that it would happen when she got home, i am beyond pissed… beautiful morning, the weather looks as though it will be cooperative for Open Studios, i will get some traffic, i am sure, just don’t know if anyone new to me will stop by, they won’t have reason to… i am annoyed too because i am having issues with my printer and the roll paper, wasting ink, wasting paper, trying to get it to print right… i had three glasses of wine last night, that isn’t much really, yet i feel like i did a bit more damage than that… i got my photowalk in today, i didn’t yesterday, the week is going to be a little thin on words and photos, i have been preoccupied… feeling irritated, frustrated… i will leave the roll paper printing to the last thing i do, i don’t want to be struggling with it just before i meet the public… just reviewed instructions for roll paper printing, i should almost be there, will need to make one more run at it… checked the map just now, not on it, i am giving up on that… EB just walked in, i recognized a voice but thought it was BM, but no, EB, not used to running into him here… lots of good convo last night at the opening party, in fact, hard for me to even get myself a glass of wine, EB and K having a convo behind me… talking about getting ready, etc, i think it is time to move on… remembering convo i was having last night about the white patriarchy and how both Biden and Sanders represent it, give it cover, etc…
May 17, 2019
221.4 lbs

8:08 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters

… i am annoyed, i checked the online map for OS and i am still not on it, despite multiple emails and personally asking her to get me on… i am also not part of any of the tours online, which i was, so i know the site is updated, i am rehearsing the very nasty way that I want to treat her about this, am trying to go to my Lojong training in which i should breathe in my pain and frustration and breathe out compassion, for myself, for her, since i am sure she is overwhelmed and lots of things are closing in on her as deadlines approach… in the department of, whatever can will go wrong… my cardiology appointment went well from point of view that cardiologist doesn’t think there is much to worry about, he wants two tests, an echocardiogram and a calcium scan, but said he doesn’t expect to see anything distressing there, he also says he wants to see me once a year now, i feel the inevitable increasing interaction with doctor’s that comes with getting older… a curious moment, when i told him i was semi-retired he did a double-take, i think he felt i was too young and i think it’s true that most people don’t retire as early, well we did, not that i really consider myself retired, my photography is my job, my photography is my job… i hope people come, i hope people buy, i hope… just asked for help on FB to spread the word, we’ll see what happens… with the pressure i am feeling, continuing to drink more than i should, so far no weight gain…
May 16, 2019

May 16, 2019 035 Beacon, NY

May 16, 2019 016 Beacon, NY

May 16, 2019 003 Beacon, NY

May 15, 2019

May 15, 2019 047 Beacon, NY

May 15, 2019 016 Beacon, NY

220.4 lbs

8:21 AM - Ella’s Bellas

... numerous things going wrong this morning, i lost all my pictures from yesterday, the card seems to have failed, i left my iPad at home, for some reason there is no week 20 of my journal in the cloud, don’t know why... the sun is shining which it hasn’t done for weeks, a hopeful sign, i haven’t had alcohol for two nights running, #feelinggood... positive reaction to the work last night, Salon better than I feared it would be, a new attendee, some good work... H staying home from work today, ok, not the quiet day I anticipated... weight is down, peeking at the 220 line again, a little discipline and I might step over it, which would be fabulous... my posts about the patriarchy gaining some traction... J sporting the Amy Weinhouse eyeliner for the past number of days... I commented on it which caused her to pause and then smile and say “yah!” I am not sure why the pause except that commenting on the liner around her eyes feels intimate to me and perhaps a little too much so to her, or maybe she doesn’t like AW and didn’t appreciate the comparison, or maybe she thought she was being original in her mind and i was telling her she wasn’t... i am most interested in the idea that it is a claim on intimacy that borders on uncomfortable for her... real life Handmaid’s Tale continues to unfold, abortion bans springing up in multiple states, all in a rush to see Roe v Wade overturned by the SC, silver lining, hopefully all women, and the men who love them, will wake up and rise up as a result...
May 14, 2019
221.2 lbs

8:16 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters

… note to self, self, please pay attention to how much better you feel after a no alcohol night, please remember this when deciding whether and how much alcohol to consume going forward, days are happier and much more productive without a hangover… my personal struggle, not alcoholism, but alcohol pleasure that frequently tips over into too much… i don’t know why, i like the feeling, i want to keep the feeling, before i know it i have had too much… it’s looking like it will be nice for Open Studios… an email note to A and S, trying to be a better communicator… M has been looking at my website more closely, spending lots of time on it, reading i am sure, i wonder if she will make it back to the mention of her and D… the creek is high, i made some raging water photographs, we’ll see how the new camera captures that… i had plans to go up the mountain stairs and maybe even part of the trail, but it started to rain so i circled closer to shelter if the rain got steady… headset woman is here, eating an apple, the sound mildly annoying… more PATD*, more really interesting critique of photographic intent… the difference between artists who appropriate photographs to tell a different story and artists who make photographs to tell a different story, a significant difference, i struggle to accept the appropriator of photographs as a photographic artist, i have a more traditional take on photography, and where things have come since the early 80’s, the time the article was written, is, i am not sure how far… there is certainly contemporary work that i like, even love, but i am not able to locate it within the history of photography yet… this morning Jorg Colberg wrote about a book of images appropriated from the East German Stazi of various escape routes people used to leave East Germany, the images made by anonymous photographers and put to a new purpose, JC struggles with the idea that the photographs were made by evil people working for an evil state apparatus, but the subject matter and intent are intriguing and the photographs float free of the makers and become a testament to those that persisted in freeing themselves… the tension exists in knowing why the photographs were originally made, the state apparatus that made them, and the knowledge of the implied human spirits that evaporated into the night, either because caught and killed or because they succeeded in finding/making a pathway out… JC asks if it is ok to present as art the work of horrible people, I have no feeling that there is anything about the presentation that glorifies the horrible people, instead, it is a testament to perseverance and the idea of risking everything to be free…

* Photography At The Dock, Abigale Soloman-Godeau
May 13, 2019

May 13, 2019 013 Beacon, NY

May 13, 2019 009 Beacon, NY

May 13, 2019 001 Beacon, NY

222.0 lbs

8:15 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters

… drank too much last night, feeling the effects, wondering why i do that and how i might get to a place where i almost never do that… five days to BOS, i am very much on schedule, yay me… wetter and rainier than i expected till afternoon, the weather looks like it will be nice this coming weekend, hope it stays that way… lots to think about, need to have way of packing photos if bought… it’s time to go…
May 12, 2019
220.6 lbs

6:16 AM - My Studio

All human activity is prompted by desire*… this prompts me to create a post in FB… All human activity is prompted by desire." To this I would add that all desire is driven from the depths of primal instinct. Rational mind is the handmaid to desire. To make sense of humanity, especially during trying times, this needs to be taken on board and truly understood. Any hope we have that rational mind can win the day should be cast aside, it is only a tool of desire. The question, which Russell addresses here is how to channel desire in productive and positive ways. This is the great test that is set before humanity. At the moment, humanity is failing, and I am talking more broadly than of the current political situation. The only hope to contain the pernicious effects of desire is the collective, society writ large. A society with a good moral compass, no easy feat in and of itself, can contain and redirect the worst of instinctual desire. This is why it is so important that power (and wealth) be distributed more broadly, as true democracies and socialist structures tend to do. While socialism may be the dark side of the force to many, especially in this country, some form of collective power holding is necessary for humanity to curb its worst instincts, set loose by the over accumulation of power in the hands of a few… 

* Bertrand Russel

8:55 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters

… open studio chores done for today, will be prepping the dining room for painting and cooking today, chicken stock for one, something GOT worthy for this evening… finished binge watching Dead To Me, Christina Applegate, good show, one season, hoping it is renewed… in other news, Texas just amended their restrictive abortion laws to prohibit the abortion of a non-viable fetus, so despicable, so disgusting, who are we, real life handmaid’s tale unfolding… rain day, no walking, just working in the house to make things nicer… mother’s day, mom got her orchid, must remember to call, and answer the group email, no time like the present… a post on FB from J about mother’s day, it annoys me, why does she feel the need to proclaim her unhappiness with the holiday, her seemingly awful parents, on a day when many mothers are getting the royal treatment they richly deserve and welcome… and with comments about the narcissistic nature of her own parents, which would seem to be what she is being by making the post on the day… it’s enough to make me unfriend her… she’s in pain, breathe in the pain and suffering, breathe out the loving kindness, this is what i will do instead, while still being annoyed… loving kindness, i can do it…
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