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April 20, 2019
April 19, 2019
8:00 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
... an email from my mother asking when my appointment with the cardiologist is and asking to know the results, i am annoyed, it feels like nagging to me, it feels like she is worried, she probably is, i have enough worry of my own about such things... flowers of all kinds are popping everywhere, a profusion of spring color... thinking about making carrot soup for dinner, after some research i settle on carrot parsnip soup with grilled turkey/cheese sandwiches... r did not respond to my email but there is notification of a package on its way, i assume it's the books he bought from me, i don't know why, divesting himself of things i suppose, i will know soon enough...
April 18, 2019
8:07 AM - Ella's Bellas
... i ask m the name of his band, m rossevelt he replies, i can find it/him on spotify... contemplative music when i walk in, not the SCREAM j likes... an email from r, asking for my address, it stops me short, i write back saying i have been thinking about him, not knowing what to say, thanking him for his support and mentorship, giving him my address, i suspect he wants to send my books back to me, tying up loose ends, it will be clear when whatever he wishes to send me arrives, r is dying, his email titled, going away, i can't fathom myself being a person he has time for in his final days, what could he want to send me, will i like it, will he be nice, i don't know... schoolmarm-librarian-woman walks in and for a moment she reminds me of linda hunt, especially the linda hunt in the year of living dangerously, her hair is down today, less librarian like...
April 17, 2019
8:31 AM - Ella's Bellas
... note from dr r yesterday, blood work looks great, cholesterol great, a1c almost normal, keep up the good work... rational mind, told you so! now let's go see the cardiologist, fear-mind springs to life... SCREAMING music is back, thank god it is turned down low... deaf-girl was here when i walked in, i wave hello, she waves back, i have been running into her a lot, here, at the natural food store, as she left she waved goodbye, i waved back, i am wondering if these friendly encounters will lead to us getting to know one another a little...
April 16, 2019
8:30 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
... what the blood work will show continues to be top of my mind, i imagine scenarios of varying degrees of disaster, i try to imagine a scenario of no disaster, it is hard, but this time, this day, i am not panicked, not depressed about what i don't know... sunny and chilly this morning, flowers bursting everywhere, the magnolia trees in full bloom... sam cook crooning, if i can't have you the way i want you, i don't want you at all, control freak i think, on the other hand, the behavior of the woman in question as described in the song is not kind, not respectful, still, the controlling sentiment isn't the answer... feeling unusually tired lately, h says the same, is something wrong with our sleeping conditions... waiting anxiously for word from dorsky, i made a strong submission in my opinion, this has to be my year... ancient religious structures are burning, yesterday notre dame, today a mosque in jerusalem, neither seems to be terrorism, the nd fire devastating, completely gutted, is Western civilization going up in flames... from my reading, yesterday's transgression frequently becomes tomorrow's tradition* ...the society of the spectacle^
*Photography at the Dock, Abigail Soloman-Godeau
April 15, 2019
8:38 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
... blood work done, now wait and try not to worry, no particular reason to worry except the unknown can be anything it chooses to be and you don't know until you know... an attractive woman checked me in, i am happy about that, frizzy straw blond hair, trim figure, pleasant smile... stormy, heavy rains last night, chas nervous, thunder, lightning, we should keep a phone in the room for emergency notifications... tax day today, checks written and mailed, we used to get refunds every year, now we don't...
7:01 AM - My Studio
... yesterday, a photowalk in newburgh, change of scenery, i needed groceries, i was being efficient, within minutes of starting a man walks up to me and asks for a light, i tell him i haven't got one, he comments that newburgh is a good place to photograph, lots of historical structures, i agree with him, he asks me if i want to photograph a gangster, i'm a gangster, he says, i decline the offer, i want to get away from him, i don't trust him, he looks like he's been in a fight or two, i walk on, i hear the sound of his feet shuffling behind me, i pick up my pace checking back to see where he is, he falls behind, i cross the street, he crosses the street too, after a while I don't see him anymore...
April 14, 2019