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March 02, 2019
March 02, 2019 049 Block Island, RI
March 02, 2019 046 Block Island, RI
March 02, 2019 036 Block Island, RI
6:10 AM - the Cottage, BI
Weight: 222.2 lbs
Rain, sleet and bluster outside. It will be a photo drive today.
Last night things seemed to improve with Augie. I had to clean up pee twice, but he was not as restless.
Dinner with Peter and Marilyn last night. A good time except at the end when Holly and her mother got nostalgic and talked for a long time about things that offered Peter and me little chance to participate.
Rubie and Augie are hanging at the dinning room table with me.
Rubie tried to play with Chas this morning. Chas tried to play back but dog and cat play are not the same. They are trying to figure it out. Chas play bows and push-pushes at the floor. Rubie prefers stalking, hide and seek, and ambushing.
I dreamed about our old loft apartment in Brooklyn last night. The building was larger and more convoluted than in reality. I don’t remember anything other than that.
It is windy and sleet scratches at the windows. Rubie hears this and hops on top of an empty soft sided cooler bag to investigate. The cooler bag promptly collapses beneath him. Now he is sniffing at the bottom of the dinning room door. Chas watches him warily.
March 01, 2019
March 01, 2019 031 Block Island, RI
March 01, 2019 024 Block Island, RI
March 01, 2019 016 Block Island, RI
5:07 AM - the Cottage, BI
A miserable night last night. Augie very restless. Pacing and panting. Peeing and pooping all over the place. I cleaned it up and tried to go back to sleep, but he started pacing and panting again. I got up and brought him down stairs. Chas followed. He drank some water. More pacing and panting. I dress and take him outside. He poops again. The silhouette of a turkey overnighting in a tree at the property edge. Back into the house. I try to sleep on the couch. The sound of Augie peeing. I get up and clean it up. Back to sleep on the couch. A nerve in my right leg acts up. It’s painful no matter what position I take. It takes a long time to fall asleep. Augie starts pacing and panting again. Could he really need to go out? I put on my shoes and take him out with Chas. He poops again. Back to sleep on the couch. Rubbie-cat starts to get active. He scratches at the legs of the table in front of the couch. He plays with his toy. I check the time. 4:30 AM. My normal time for getting up. I give up on sleep.
Last night a good conversation with H at dinner. We talk about the books we are reading. Her’s is “Becoming Michelle Obama.” Mine is “In Search of the Canary Tree.” Also “In The Living Mountain,” by Nan Shephard. I told her that I realized I read for enlightenment. I am hoping to discover the meaning of life in one of them. She seems to get something similar from BMO.
February 28, 2019
February 28, 2019 039 Block Island, RI
February 28, 2019 025 Block Island, RI
5:10 AM - the Cottage, BI
Augie had me very worried last night. His breathing seemed rapid. He seemed to stumble a bit. Holly was visiting with her mother. I wanted her with me. For emotional support. To help watch Augie. Help decide what to do if a critical event happened. I drank wine to relieve the tension. I continued drinking during dinner. I drank too much. I am hung over this morning.
Augie came down almost on his own this morning. He wanted to do it. He seems better.
Rubie is in a playful mood. He is playing with the chin strings of my winter flap hat. A Chas yelp comes from the living room. I am guessing ambushed him as he passed by.
Marilyn cancelled direct TV. Holly is irritated. She wants to watch Michael Cohen testify. She cranked it up on her iPhone. This required most of the bandwidth in the house. I was unable to work on image editing and posting as a result. Bandwidth is a real problem out here.
It snowed some last night. Still some flurries falling. It will be pretty when the sun comes up.
Augie is asleep at the end of the table. He likes to be close. Rubie meows twice then stops. The refrigerator hums.
A text arrives from a stranger. She wants to talk to me about a project I did many years ago. I fear these kinds of inquiries. I assume they are trouble. I am unsure how I will respond. I wish my past career would leave me alone.
February 27, 2019
February 27, 2019 053 Block Island, RI
February 27, 2019 050 Block Island, RI
5:48 AM - the Cottage, BI
The soundtrack playing in my head when I woke up this morning, “A Simple Twist of Fate.”
I have realized that what I look for in my reading material is revelation. I don’t often read for pure entertainment. I read classic fiction. I read non-fiction. I read for revelation.
I am worried about Augie. I see small signs of further decline. I don’t expecting him to last the full year. I live in fear of the arrival of the final slide. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could let go and live with compassion for him and the process he is going through, that we all will go through. This is the blessing and the curse of dog and cat companionship. They don’t outlive us. We have to confront the cycle of life.
Chas has been a pain. He was restless last night. He chases the cat. He whines constantly. I will take him with me to Rodman’s Hollow. I will try to wear him out.
Lauren E. Oakes talks about the connection people develop to their landscape over long stretches of time. I think about my meditative practice and the connection it is giving me to the land and streetscapes of Beacon. I don’t get tired of the practice. There are little revelations all the time. The work becomes more deeply rooted as the practice builds on itself, hour after hour, day after day. I wonder, where will I be in ten, fifteen, twenty years, if I live that long? Where will the practice be?
As I write that I think about the Lojong Preliminaries. That life is precious. That death comes for everyone. Let me not be trivial. Let me use the time wisely.
February 26, 2019
February 26, 2019 042 Block Island, RI
February 26, 2019 020 Block Island, RI
Block Island Cottage - 2:22 PM
We made it to Block Island finally. The crossing was uneventful given the weather. We are unpacked, settling in.
Rubie-cat is unfazed by the new circumstances. I was hoping that would be the case. He will be able to travel with us. We will save money. We will enjoy having him with us. He is such a social cat. I don’t think he would be very happy by himself for weeks at a time.
Lauren E. Oakes writes:
The best thing for me to do is to develop my inner voice and to steer as close to that as I can and to act as if what I do matters. And allow the future to decide what comes of who I am.
From In Search of the Canary Tree.
This is what I tell myself to do. It doesn’t stop the longing for recognition, but it leaves me comfortable in my skin.
February 25, 2019
February 25, 2019 009 Beacon, NY
February 25, 2019 021 Beacon, NY
8:24 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
I have decided that if the ferry company is reasonably certain there will be a ferry at 10 AM tomorrow, we should go for it. We will have to leave at 5:00 AM. Start loading the car at 4:00 AM. Get up by 3:30 AM. Have everything ready to go.
6:21 AM - My Studio
This should have been written in the dining room of the Block Island cottage. The universe had other plans. Strong winds cancelled the ferry we booked. Tuesday 10 AM is the next likely ferry we can get on.
I drank more than leaves me feeling good the next morning, but not as much as I sometimes do. The kitchen did not get cleaned up last night because of that.
The forecasted winds have arrived. At present they don’t seem to fit the dangerous category we have been warned to expect.
The forecasted winds have arrived. At present they don’t seem to fit the dangerous category we have been warned to expect.
I read an article about the Green New Deal and the various attempts from the right and left to critique it. The author believes climate change is a full on emergency. The GND is the most promising agenda out there. We need a new government before anything can happen. We need people with the will to enact it. A tall order. I think this is something that could be legitimately declared a national emergency.
Lojong Slogan #01:
First train in the preliminaries.
Life is precious. Life ends. What goes around comes around. Self importance leads to suffering.
Of these, I think I am weakest in the last. I wan’t too much to be seen and appreciated