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February 09, 2019
No pictures today. There was not time for a walk.
5:29 AM - My Studio
Weigh in: 225 lbs
We are driving to Boston today to meet with our niece and see the Ansel Adams show at the Boston Fine Arts Museum. We have been planning this with her since the beginning of the year.
Terry will look in on the dogs and cat. Feed them. Give Augie his medications. Give us the freedom to see our niece. Our lives have been complicated by Augie. I wonder if he knows just how much he depends on us to keep him going. Medications, four times a day. From 6 AM to 2 PM, every four hours. Then we have until 10 PM for the last set. Time to shop, go to the gym, have a date night.
I wonder if he knows his end time is drawing near? He has no understanding of his condition. Probably only how he feels, which is less energetic than he used to be. Other than that, if it is tomorrow or six months from now, he has no idea.
I look up the drive directions to the museum. Three hours is less than I thought it would be.
It got colder last night.
I am frustrated with my weight gain. Water weight most likely. Big swings. Keep an eye on the trend, not the individual data points I tell myself. 
The trend is down.
February 08, 2019

February 08, 2019 034 Beacon, NY

February 08, 2019 019 Beacon, NY

8:22 AM - Ella’s Bellas
A rainy day. I went for a photo drive instead of a photo walk.
The coffee here is much too strong. I wish they would mix it up once in a while, but they never seem to.
A woman I call pretty-mom has walked in with her daughter. She wears a broad brim felt hat, bell bottom blue jeans, some kind of stylish jacket. She tells the barista that she is busy with photo gigs. I wonder if she has ever noticed that I make pictures. It doesn’t seem so. She moves in her own world and there is no reason for her to encourage its collision with mine.
I wrote something about my mother and father a few days ago. I am worried they have/will see it. It is pretty innocuous, but they won’t necessarily think so.
Pretty-mom is asking her daughter if she is ready to go. She presents more as a rock star than photographer. She tells her daughter she has made a beautiful star. Her daughter is amusing herself drawing on the chalkboard wall.
A woman sneezes. Pretty-mom says “bless you.” Sneeze-woman doesn’t respond.
4:08 AM - Weigh in: 224 lbs
February 07, 2019

February 07, 2019 016 Beacon, NY

February 07, 2019 002 Beacon, NY

7:45 AM- Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
A nice walk up to the head of the Pocket Road Trail. In warmer weather I will continue up the trail to the top of Mt. Beacon. The walk is a steep uphill climb, a good cardio workout. It seems less strenuous now that I have lost some weight.
I brought my 52 project to Writer's Workshop last night. Either they don't know what to make of it or it isn't very good. Maybe both. This time they struggled with the going back in time order. It's counter intuitive. It worked the last time, not so much this time they said. I will persevere. I like starting with the most recent moment and working backwards. It is part of negotiating a practice unfolding every day.
The W. H. Auden poem surfaces in my mind again. Looking up at the stars, I know quite well That for all they care, I can go to hell. The stars are given agency. I don't believe they have that. They just are. They don't wish us anything. I like Saramago's way of looking at this better:
God is the silence of the universe, and man is the cry that gives meaning to that silence.
Lanzarote Notebooks (1990), quoted in The Notebook, entry for 9 October 2008.

5:25 AM - My Studio
W. H. Auden on Brain Pickings this morning. The more loving one. From a collection of poems, Homage to Clio.
4:00 AM - Weigh in: 223 lbs.
February 06, 2019

February 06, 2019 075 Beacon, NY

February 06, 2019 014 Beacon, NY

February 06, 2019 011 Beacon, NY

8:08 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
An idea for a submission to Photography Now. Deadline nine days away. A set of poster grids of my meditations. The Rock, 15 Days by the Sea, Utility Poles and Wires, Cans, Steeples, one more as yet to be determined.
The submission would build on Ruscha, the Bechers, WarholMuseum Bhavan by Dayanita Singh. I need to cite these artists while understanding what is different in my work.
February 05, 2019

February 05, 2019 010 Beacon, NY

February 05, 2019 006 Beacon, NY

7:58 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
A sense of foreboding about Augie. He had some kind of episode last night. I was in the kitchen making dinner. There was a commotion in the dining room. I went to investigate. He was on his side flailing, looking a little helpless, perhaps frightened. I calmed him down. After a minute or two he was able to right himself. Another minute or two and he was up and walking out to the living room.
We live on borrowed time with him. We are eight months past a diagnosis of sever heart disease. The prognosis, death is imminent. We have aggressively and expensively treated his heart disease. We live with the knowledge that we could loose him at any moment. We look for signs that might be happening. Is he coughing a little more? Moving a little slower?
I had a good walk. I got most of my 10K steps in already. My weight was down a pound. I have moved below the 225 mark. Next stop, 220. If I manage that, it will be the lightest I have been in years. I am hoping that loosing weight will make my BP meds unnecessary. I have been hoping for that ever since I was put on them more than 10 years ago. Maybe this time.
A woman sits down two tables away. She has long, light brown hair, maybe a touch of gray. She wears a form fitting dress that is light taupe. She wears fingerless gloves. Is that because her hands are cold or is it fashion? She has a thick book with her. There is a bookmark that indicates she is not far into the book. She wears glasses with large round lenses.
The woman two tables over packs up and leaves. As she walks past my table she leans in and asks me what time it is. 8:58, I tell her. Thank you very much, she says. She walks out the door behind me, ending our brief cohabitation of a common space and time.
February 04, 2019

February 04, 2019 063 Beacon, NY

February 04, 2019 004 Beacon, NY

5:30 AM - My Studio
Google analytics reveals that nobody looked at my site the past week, even though I shared it on social media. No clicks that I am aware of. It is true that my cookie policy is set up for visitors to choose to be tracked. Who is going to do that? I don't blame them. I don't like being tracked either. Still, its a bit depressing.
My weight is back down to 225 lbs as I knew it would be.
Next weekend we drive to Boston to see my niece and take in the Ansel Adams show. I am looking forward to it, though it will be a bit tiring. There and back in approximately 12 hours. Time with niece, priceless.
8:20 AM - Ella's Bellas
A woman who reminds me of a barista who used to work here. I miss that barista. We had an interesting sort of connection. She was young-interesting-woman being obligingly flirtatious with the old-enough-to-be-her-father patron. I see her in town now and again. I hope she is doing well in the big city.
February 03, 2019

February 03, 2019 062 Beacon, NY

February 03, 2019 015 Beacon, NY

8:24 AM - Bigmouth Coffee Roasters
It is warm, tropical compared to what it has been.
I called mom yesterday. She was hoarse, getting over a throat infection. She was a little down. She told me she is worried about dad who increasingly forgets things. She said she knows I don't see the differences. I tried to tell her that its hard to when you are not there every day, that in general, he remains coherent to me when I talk with him.
We are off to the city today to have a retirement celebration brunch with Kathy, Holly's long time bff. I am looking forward to getting out of Beacon for a few hours.
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